I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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