I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize