watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
