I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
