Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i drank out of a bidet.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize