I hate your face
Me too!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
