and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize