thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
