I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
