this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
