dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i believe in u and ur pee
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
