i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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