She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
