I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
