Your tits are I can't wait for
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
