I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
