you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
