I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
