Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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