I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
