We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize