so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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