Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize