Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
