I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
