If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
