i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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