VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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