he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
