Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
