Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
