I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
