Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize