I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
