Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize