she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
