Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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