I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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