i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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