im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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