I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
