i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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