Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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