Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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