I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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