Define "chronic" masturbator.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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