I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's never too late to be topless.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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