he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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