dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize