he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
