if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
