My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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