When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
