there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
