Who wears a wallet chain?!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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