Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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