Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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