I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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