I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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