I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
