I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
