Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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