Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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