I think im going to throw up on grandma
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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