Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
