My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
