when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
