At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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