Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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