Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
