Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
