Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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