He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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