I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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