Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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