I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
