I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have post one night stand depression
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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