just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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