new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
