i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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