I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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