Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
