My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
