Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
