I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
