Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
