I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
