Sacagawea was the original milf.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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