Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
