The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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