You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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