Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
