We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
