You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
