you traded sex for a burrito?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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