I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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