It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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